3.Which games did she play?
“Kode, pushing tyres, pulling toy cars, bladaa, climbing trees…I think I was up to par with my male colleagues. When they asked me to play any game, I would fit in and be ‘one of them’. I didn’t notice any gender difference when I was playing with them.”
“Kode, pushing tyres, pulling toy cars, bladaa, climbing trees…I think I was up to par with my male colleagues. When they asked me to play any game, I would fit in and be ‘one of them’. I didn’t notice any gender difference when I was playing with them.”
4. With that amicable relationship with boys, at what time did she realise she is different – at least biologically?
“When I joined boarding school for upper primary classes, I realised I had serious body changes. I looked at other girls whom I shared a classroom with (standard five, six) and noticed they weren’t developing as fast as I was. My breasts had developed, my hips had broadened… and men would stare at me.”
She quickly learnt that she was different – according to her, in a ‘bad’ way.
“Naturally, I have slightly bowed legs – I did not consider that my unique gait was “wrong” because no one at home mocked me.”
“When I became conscious of my development, I realised I walked differently from other girls. That is the point that I started keeping to myself. I toned down my playfulness – I was wondering what was wrong with me. Men laughed at me.”
“I’d slouch because I wanted to hide my breasts. I’d wear long clothes to hide my legs too – I used to be very shy.”
That, she says, was when she marked the beginning of her struggles with low self-esteem.
“I did not feel like I was as beautiful as other girls. The guys would always laugh at me – ‘Huyu msichana ywatembeaje?’ They’d constantly ask.”
5. How did she deal with all this negative energy?
“I would lock myself in a secluded room and bury my head in books. That’s where they could not get me because we fought for top spots in class.”
“I am also a talented actor; so during drama festivals, I would act and recite poems exemplary well. I had something that everyone applauded me for. That was my escape.”
“In Embu and Eastern Province I was a well-known person! Should you ask someone who studied during my times if they remember a girl by the name Kellen Kanze, they would affirm that they do.”
“That was my world. When I walked on stage, I commanded the audience – whether I was acting in a play, dancing…It allowed me to get away from the fact that everybody would laugh.”
“Boys would come and talk to me because I had become a star! They respected my Swahili prowess and articulation. I think that was a mechanism God gave me to survive.”
“The moment drama festivals were done, I’d go back to the same cocoon and realise I am different from other people. For a very long time, I’d never allow myself to wear clothes that were fitting. I thought I had a big bust and unattractive legs.”
“When I was in standard seven, I was appointed the school’s head girl. I felt a little bit important, but still; I did not want to be different. Honestly, if I had the opportunity to enhance my looks and alter parts of my body, I would have changed the way my legs looked.”
