After four days at the hospital where I had an Appendicitis operation, the doctors cleared me to go home. My mum wanted to go to the bus stop and get a taxi but I declined. After four days coupled up in the hospital bed I needed some fresh air and a bit of exercise.
We got to the bus stop and joined the rest of the passengers waiting for vehicles. A mad woman appeared. I have seen her a couple of times at the bus stop with other mad folks begging for money. She was tall and lean with a black torn short covering her womanhood and a yellow faded ankara thrown over her shoulder leaving her stomach and thighs bare. She moved from one passenger to the next begging for money. Finally, she stood before us,gave us a bewitching smile.
"Fine Mama and fine aunty, help me with some change" she said in Igbo.
I drew back to ward off the smell emanating from her unwashed body. My mother quickly opened her bag while holding her breath and brought out a 100 Naira note which she dropped on the mad woman's outstretched palm. She beamed her thanks and was about to go when a dread locked mad man on brown underwear walked up to her. She giggled like a school girl when she saw him. I glanced at my mother. She was watching them too. They struck a conversation in Igbo.
Mad man: Nne, kekwanu? How re u?
Mad woman: (giggles) I am fine. (Another giggle)
Mad man: Did I offend u?
Mad woman: Ah! Noooo!
Mad man: if I didn't offend you then why didn't you visit me like u said?
Mad woman: Okkkkkkk! (She scratched her hair then her buttocks)
Mad man: Is it that I didn't do it well the other time? Was it painful?
By then, my jaw dropped. Mama's jaw dropped even further.
Mad woman: (giggles) no, you did it well
Mad man: Then why didn't u come? Is not good oo
Mad woman: I will come today. Yes, today. I ll come. Today
The mad man grinned at her: Ok.
He turned and swaggered off, his member nodding between his legs. The mad woman ran towards a yellow bus discharging some passengers and began another round of begging.
My mother whispered. "Nne, please tell me that what I just saw and heard is all a dream"
I cleared my throat, plied open my numb lips and replied,
"No, Mama, it isn't a dream but I wish it is"
We still joke and laugh about it today.
- COURTESY
