There are some thoughts women have about s3x that they can’t even voice to their best friends
Here’s what women secretly think about doing the deed:
1. Women find 69-ing too complicated and uncomfortable, and everyone involved basically has to have their whole face squashed – nose first – into private parts.
2. The main reason women don’t want a threesome is because they don’t have anywhere near enough self-confidence to watch you get with another girl who we’re 107 per cent sure you’ll find her more s3xy/attractive/amazing.
3. One of the worst things about s3x is that awkward moment where one of you gets eye contact with the other during oral and everyone’s unsure about what facial expression to pull.
4. Women really don’t care if you come before us, as long as you come back round to finish us off afterwards. In fact, sometimes women prefer it – otherwise they have to go straight back to work right after they’ve come.
5. Women find the-stop everything to put a condom on-moment as awkward as you do, but guess what? Women kinda don’t want a baby or a spot of herpes right now. Weird, eh?
6. Unless women literally have to wade through a deep, dark forest, pubes mean nothing to them. Keep it long, keep it trimmed, do whatever – but have something there, otherwise you look a bit like a pre-teen and that’s not so OK.
7. Women like s3x toys. They vibrate. You don’t. Don’t be intimidated. They won’t replace you, they just work as an added extra, like a side of fries or something.
8. There’s no point trying to have s3x with women if there’s a pet in the room/you’re in our parents house/ family are staying over – women can’t concentrate and it feels like the world will be upset with them forevermore.
9. Women used to really like kissing sessions that lasted over an hour when they were teenagers. So if you ever wanted to bring that back, that’d be OK.
10. Those scenes in TV programmes where people sneak into storage cupboards and have s3x fully dressed up against a wall? Women want them.
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