Advice to Pregnant Women

Crying is ok: This is quite natural, especially because your hormones are going crazy and berserk. I have seen many pregnant women just break down into tears, for no apparent reason, and they do not want to be comforted. If you are pregnant and wondering why, your hormones are the course. Cry, as much as possible, and do not be ashamed of it because there is nothing you can do to your hormones – they have taken control of you.

You are not beautiful: I am not being insensitive by saying this. People will tell you are beautiful, that you glow, and that the bulging basketball that has replaced your flat tummy looks pretty. I highly doubt that they are saying the truth. They are just trying to make you feel good about yourself.

However, let us look at things on a completely different light. You breasts are bigger, rounder, and firmer. Beautiful! Your hair, i.e. if you are not the type that puts on weaves, is fuller, longer and darker or lighter (depending on your hair colour). Again, beautiful! Your eyes, clearer! Not mentioning your hips. You look like a goddess, enjoy that during the nine months.

Your foetus/baby does not give a shit: Yeah! It does not care of what method you use to give birth, whether you do in underwater, take painkillers during the process, and have a C-Section. It does not care if you gave birth in a hospital, home or by the roadside. It really does not. You only have one goal, to have a safe delivery and a healthy baby, isn’t it? So, just do not stick to one so-called natural way to give birth. For example, if you are having the natural birth, through your vagina, and the baby is stuck, go for the C-Section. Do not kill yourself, or the baby.

It hurts: I know giving birth hurts. I peeped into a labour ward when I was a small boy. I have also been into the labour room and seen women scream, until they poop on themselves. It is VERY painful! If I were a pregnant woman (which, thank God I will never be), I would tell the doctors to knock me out with anaesthesia, cut open my tummy and deliver my kid to avoid that pain. Later I would wake up with my baby(s) in my arms smiling back at me (since it also got the dose of morphine given to me). And that would be great.

It hurts part 2: If in case you have a C-Section, you will experience a lot of pain afterwards as your anaesthesia’s effect reduces. Prepare yourself for it. You can’t laugh because of pain, you have to sit in specific postures not to trigger pain as the wound heals. Buy as many, VERY strong painkillers, even if it means taking morphine shots (you can deal with the addiction later).

You will need your mother: After the baby is born, you need your mother there. Everything is going to go wrong. Your husband will be useless. This is when a daughter needs her mother. This is perhaps the only time as an adult when you really need her. She is going to love helping you. She wants to help. Keep her around for six months if you can.

Have Lots of Sex with your husband: Because he is scared to death right now, the sex is all over. I am not even kidding on this. Having a baby is going to change your entire relationship. Suddenly there’s this new citizen who is living in your house, who cries all the time, doesn’t speak your mother tongue, Swahili or even English, and will die if you don’t check up on him every five minutes. What a horribly unpleasant thing a baby is. And they are gross. What they eat is gross. And it’s hard enough keeping yourself clean. Now you have to keep this little monster clean. Your relationship is going to change. Having sex keeps the hormones of the relationship going. Keeps things calm. Keeps you and your husband calm. And hopefully the relationship survives.

Everyone will give you advice

I had to put this last since I am also giving you advice. Everyone will give you advice, even those who have never been pregnant, and will never be. Like me. Anyway, read along and see why I am saying this.

People will recommend a certain hospital, certain baby nursing methods, what to eat and not eat, what to do and not do and even how to do things and how not to do them. However, the final word is yours. Isn’t the baby yours? Do what you feel like!

That’s all the advice I can offer for now.

“This is totally insane. I’m not going to listen to this guy.” That’s what you might be thinking right now. And I don’t blame you. Or you might listen to some of what I say. I don’t blame you for that either. Just be healthy and happy. That is why I wrote this.

By aKenyanBachelor